Today is what I call a “sad day.” Although nothing is technically wrong, I still can’t help but feel like I’m in a funk. Things are changing majorly in my life right now, and it is a little overwhelming to deal with.
I mentioned last week how this is the first time ever that I am not going back to school. This is actually really hard for me to deal with because all of my friends are either starting graduate programs or have actual “adult” jobs. This is where it gets tough because I do have a job and an amazing experience and opportunity waiting for me, but right now that seems so far away and I am left to think about all of my current part time jobs ending (nannying, teaching group fitness). I did just begin a new job, which helps, but I am still in a funk.
Part of the funk also has to do with my upcoming experience on the cruise line. While I know that this opportunity is once in a lifetime, and I can hardly wait to begin my experience there are a lot of “unknowns” that just don’t mesh with my have-to-be-in-the-know-and-plan-everything-in-advanced personality. For instance, I have NO IDEA where I will be going and therefore none of my relatives or friends can even begin to plan a trip to visit me. Another thing is the holidays.
I am a huge family person and the holidays are my favorite time of year. The holiday cheer, goofy traditions, snow, decorating the Christmas tree, BEING WITH FAMILY…it is all so important to me and I am going to miss it all this year. I know that I will cope and this will be huge in allowing me to grow into adulthood and be a well rounded person…but it is going to be hard. Luckily, I found out that I am able to receive mail so I will have some form of communication when the internet is down. Another thing I am worried about is the phone usage and internet. I am used to talking to my mom and Brian every single day. I don’t know if that seems like a lot to you, but to me that is normal, and it has been normal for years. I, being the creature of habit that I am, tend to have a hard time when it comes to major everyday changes like that. When I have days like this and I can’t call my mom to “talk it out” I think it will be the hardest, but that is part of the reason that I started the blog. Because I know that I won’t have access to good phone reception or even internet everyday, but I can always write down my thoughts and experiences and then post them when the internet is available.
Lastly, I tend to get really excited about various events such as holidays, birthdays, vacations, trips, even family reunions. Because I get so excited while looking forward to the event and during the event, I typically get really sad afterward because it is all over. The reunion this past weekend had been in my planner for months and I had planned and planned about what to bring to the auction and I had prepped Brian for every last detail of what would occur…and then it was over. It’s hard to go from such a high to having that high be gone, but this is something that is totally fixable and is a definite “me” problem that I am trying to get over.
So, although I spent a leasurly morning at the grocery store, and although I teach Core Intensity tonight it is a “sad day” and sometimes those days are ok. I was hesitant to post about this, but it was my mom’s idea and actually I think it helped to write everything down and just let it all out.